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lis 29

Jste opravdu zmrdfree?

Marketingem se živím natolik dlouho, že už jsem zažil celou řadu návratů do minulosti. Kofola, žvýkačka Pedro, Michal David a další komunistické vynálezy se prodraly ze svých temných, vlhkých hrobů zpět na výsluní zákaznické přízně.

Ne všichni se ale svezli po nostalgické vlně retra. Můj bývalý zaměstnavatel Ospap (ať je mu země lehká) už nebude mít nikdy svůj vlastní vlak a pobočky v každém větším městě a ani značka Multiservis s miliardovou hodnotou se z rebrandingů nejspíš nevzpamatuje.

Co bych opravdu nečekal, je návrat sloganu: „Nejsou lidi.“ Většinu svého profesionálního života jsem byl placen za to, abych pomohl prodat papír/zmrzlinu/hazard/cokoliv vybíravému zákazníkovi. Nyní se většina mých klientů potýká se stavem, kdy by byli schopni prodat dvoj/troj násobek svých služeb/zboží, ale nemůže, neboť je nemá kdo vytvořit.

Králem již není zákazník, jako před pár lety, ale námezdný pracovník. Víš, co znamená zkratka IT? Prodal jsi v minulosti cokoliv komukoliv? Jsi ochotný třídit v chlaďáku ovoce? Ó můj velký, pojď ke mně a věnuj mi odlesk své přízně.

Speciálně v IT dosáhlo toto šílenství vrcholu. Jakákoliv střední a větší IT firma se předhání v nabídce smyslných i nesmyslných benefitů. To, že plat bude vysoce nadstandardní, je považováno za samozřejmost. Zde je seznam deklarovaných přínosů pro uchazeče o práci z reálného výzkumu trhu, který jsem dělat před nedávnem:

  • Jsme tu všichni kámoši a oblékáme se, jak chceme.

  • Jsme hrozní sympaťáci a/nebo hezké slečny.

  • Je to u nás jeden velký večírek a teambuilding.

  • Klidně sebou vem i děti.

  • Nebudeš mít žádný problém s rozložením času mezi práci a volno.

  • Jsme přímo v centru na MHD, s kolárnou a krásným výhledem do zeleně.

  • Dostaneš u nás stravenky, jídlo a pití od televizního kuchaře, vstupenky na kulturu i sport, jazykové kurzy, připojištění, zdravotní služby, příspěvek na dovolenou, služební telefon, notebook a spoustu dalších věcí.

  • Máme krásné moderní kanceláře s horolezeckou stěnou, kulečníkem, fotbálkem, šipkami, ping pongem, posilovnou, relaxační místností a sprchami, kdyby ses v práci zpotil.

  • Budeš s námi cestovat po světě za firemní peníze a třeba i pracovat v Silikon Valley.

  • Jsme velká stabilní společnost, ale zároveň start-up.

Pokud ani tohle všechno nepřiláká opravdové IT odborníky, je třeba vytáhnout nejtěžší kalibr. Stačí v inzerci prohlásit, že jste absolutně a naprosto „zmrdfree“. To je přece svatý grál všech zaměstnanců. Nic víc už se nabídnout nedá.

A co vy? Jste také dostatečně „zmrdfree“, abyste přilákali nové talenty?

 

Přečteno 5524 krát

68 komentáře

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  • Odkaz Komentáře Lesterkab sobota, 08 červen 2024 05:44 napsal(a) Lesterkab

    Elon Musk was star guest this year at an annual conference organized by Italian PM Giorgia Meloni’s Brothers of Italy party.
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    He arrived against the backdrop of an ice-skating rink and an ancient castle in Rome with one of his 11 children to tout the value of procreation.

    Italy has one of the lowest birth rates in the world, and Musk urged the crowd to “make more Italians to save Italy’s culture,” a particular focus of the Meloni government.

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    Meloni has been a strong opponent of surrogacy, which is criminalized in Italy, but there was no mention of Musk’s own recent children born of surrogacy.

    The owner of X (formerly called Twitter) was slightly rumpled with what could easily be argued the least stylish shoes in the mostly Italian crowd since Donald Trump’s often unkempt former top adviser Steve Bannon appeared at the conference in 2018.
    Meloni sat in the front row taking photos of Musk, who she personally invited. Meloni founded the Atreju conference in 1998, named after a character in the 1984 film “The NeverEnding Story.”